I Love My Soldier: May 2005

Jason was activated 01/31/2005
His deployment ended
and he returned home 05/13/2006
(a very long 15 1/2 months)


Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Typical day...."Blah"

Face Plant
Today.. another typical day.. Starting to think maybe my life is pretty boring! Well not "boring" (It's never boring) but maybe "routine" is the better word to describe it. Well maybe "routine" doesnt describe it either.. "Hectic" (yes that is definetly one word) hmmm I dont know exactly how to describe my life.

Partly Cloudy

I actually slept in a little late.. not too bad, but later than normal. Then I got up and got busy with my transcription. I had lots to do today and I seemed to be having a hard time getting it done. It has rained the past couple of days (off and on today) so weather was not so great outside and the kids were having lots of FUN inside!! I tried my best to get the kids to stay in the back of the house, but kids will be kids. They wanted to watch the big 61" widescreen.. so I said ok, if they were quiet (as my office is close to the living room). They were pretty good, but a few times I sent them to the back to play.

Shopping 2

We took a break and went and picked up a few things from the grocery store. ohhh I bought a box of cake mix "Duncan Hines Signature Desserts Chocolate Peanut Butter" oh my gosh! It looks like it will be so yummy!! I had so much to do today and we didnt get time to make it, but tomorrow.. oh tomorrow I am making it for sure!

After the grocery store it was back home. The kids and I fixed sandwhiches and chips for lunch... quick lunch and then back to typing. Well, as much as I could do.. the kids kept being loud ... and they were fighting.. and .. and... (uhhh I wish the weather was better so they could go outside for a while). Ok Deanne quit complaining!!

Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE MY KIDS.. Its just summers are harder to get my work done (especially when its yucky outside and they are inside ALL day its "ahhhhhh") However my kids are so precious to me!

What A Mess
Hayden, our 3-year-old son wanted to lay down for a nap, however he wanted to lay in momma's bed. So I said ok... at this point I just wanted him to lay down so I could get some work done. About 20 minutes later he comes walking in my office (obviously he had NOT been asleep) and he was covered in powder (head to toe).. but the powder smelled!! I asked him to show mommy where he got the powder from. Well it wasnt regular powder it was "Gold Bond Medicated Powder". So I cleaned up the mess and gave him a bath. After the bath he was ready for a nap (later than normal but he was ready) so he got in his bed and went to sleep for about a hour.

Heart Eyes
Then the hubby logged onto Yahoo Messenger and we connected through the web cams and chatted for a bit. Ahhh.. just to see his face and hear his voice.. to see his smile! My day was getting better! We talked for a little while then I had to let him go so I could finish up the last few jobs I had to type, and fix dinner. (hmmm I dont know if you would call it a real dinner. I fixed chilli dogs and fries.. yeah I know NOT much of a healthy meal is it?? I will get back in the swing of things and fix a good meal tomorrow!!). Afterwards I logged back on with my "Sweetie" and we got to chat for quite a while as it was his off day.

Bang Your Head
When we got off the computer I got busy with work that was due tomorrow (as Erin has a dentist appointment in the morning and I don't want my work to be late so I did it tonight). type, type, type, ... kids, kids, kids.... stopped threw a load of clothes in the dryer... type, type, type... got the girls to get baths... type, type, type, "kids stop yelling, mommy is trying to work".. type, type, type. Yes! Finished!

The girls were ready for bed, I was finished typing and Hayden was still NOT sleepy (uhh I hate when he takes late naps), but he was fussy fussy fussy! I think he was tired, just not sleepy. I finally got him down and in his bed (shhh I have to be quiet... atleast I think he is asleep). Then I just wanted to chill, visted a few blogs, and got on one of the Military Wife Forums I talk on... basically the only adults I really talk to with are online (Besides talking to Jason on the webcam, and well my mom did call today, oh and my friend Sharon called yesterday.. LOL I need a life!!! I need to talk to more adults).
Rolling Eyes
Now here I am writing in my blog... its late, its quiet, hmmm now maybe its too quiet, I miss my hubby, Im tired, not really sleepy.. just tired, I'm bored, I'm lonely, I don't know exactly how I feel, I'm just blah!! Ever feel just blah??? I feel guilty about feeling blah too. Hard to explain..

Well I still need to get a bath, a well rested night, and then its up tomorrow to start all over again. Night Night all!

Monday, May 30, 2005

Remember....Memorial Day 2005


Today is a day we honor the fallen heros.
A day to remember the soldiers who gave their all,
so that we might be free.

Our freedom does not come free, nor should it be taken for granted.

"...from these honored dead, we take increased devotion to that cause forwhich they here gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we herehighly resolve these dead shall not have died in vain..."
~Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address~

There is a nationwide effort called the
"National Moment of Remembrance".
Today at 3:00 pm they are asking all Americans
to pause for one minute in silent tribute
to those who have given their lives
in the service of their country.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Mood today.. "I'm upset!"


Ok this is the what happened. Someone wrote something in my GuestBook (making light of my blog and my husband's service) and I posted a remark above theirs that I thought was very appropriate, but if you want the TRUTH in all honesty it really really upset me!! So I have a few things I need to say to him (the "soldier" who left the message)!!

I know that there are soldiers serving our country who are in far worse places than my husband and I do feel for those soldiers and their families. I know there are soldiers who have no internet connection or even access to a phone and again I DO feel for those soldiers and their families (However - I do question you "the soldier" who posted the comment as you obviously DO have internet access in order to even read my blog and sign the guestbook).

This is how I feel....I miss my husband, my best friend, my life partner. I miss holding him and being close to him. Our children miss playing with him and doing things with him! I cry at night when it gets quiet because I miss him being here with me. Yes, I do pray that he will get some time off and that we might get to see him in 7 months, if not it will be atleast 11 more months until he comes home. We have a long road ahead of us and we all miss him.

The other night, our nine-year-old daughter Alex got very upset (as she heard the song "Already there" by Lonestar on the radio). I just held her as she cried and I cried too and told her that it was ok for us to miss him (because we LOVE him) but before long he would be back home with us.

A commercial came on last night on TLC (The Learning Channel) and it showed families being reunited with their soldiers. You could hear children in the background who have not seen their daddys and mommys who had been deployed. My 3-year-old son started crying and said "I miss my daddy too". He saw the commercial again today and again had the same reaction. THAT breaks my heart!! He will lay in his bed and just stare up at the pictures of his daddy!!

YES we are extremely blessed that we have internet access and can talk via the web cam. God has blessed us with that and I am VERY grateful!!!

YES there are soldiers in far worse situations who DON'T get to talk to their families for weeks or even months. Families who sit and worry about their soldier's safety.

YET........ Aren't there millions of people every day who are at home snuggled up with their spouses, who get to watch their spouses play in the floor and spend quality time with their children? YES there is ... I pass them every day in the store, in my neighborhood, and at church.

and do you know what???
I DON'T have that same luxuary!!!!!!!!!!
BUT am I bitter towards them?? NO!!!!!!
(Yet, you are bitter towards me and my husband -your fellow soldier)

So YES I take our phone calls and web cam chats and I am happy with it, because for NOW thats ALL we have!!!!

(so to YOU the "Soldier" who left the ugly message) if you are offended by me, my husband's service, or my blog.. then don't read it... but let me handle my situation the best that I know how!!!!

Friday, May 27, 2005

Courtney Graduation

It's really hard for me to believe that my little sister is graduating from high school. My brother and I were 15 and 16 when our parents blessed us with a little sister. By the time she was five years old I was married and moving out of the home.

Courtney, you have grown up so fast. It seems like just yesterday when you were a little girl and I was still living at home. I would sing you to sleep as I rubbed my fingers down your face. You running along side me with your play vaccum cleaner as I would vaccum the living room, lol.. I remember you coming to spend the night with me, how you thought I was magic, and how you would dance around in your dress up clothes to the song I made up about you... and now look at you. You have matured into a beautiful young woman.

I want you to know how proud I am of you. You have always been a leader and with determination you have demonstrated just what you can do, and you have made our hearts proud. You are so smart, so talented, and so beautiful. I pray that all of your dreams come true. You have the ability to succeed as far in life as you want to. You alone set the standards for your life (no one else can do that for you) and I know you will set them high. Remember that the choices you make in life will determine your destiny. Make the right choices and always put Christ first in your life.

I love you!!
Your big sissy,

Advanced Academics,
Varsity Co-head Cheerleader,
Homecoming Court
Soph 1st Alternate, Jr Beauty, and Sr. Beauty.
Sr. Whos Who "Most Attractive"
Future Plans: Pediatric Nursing

Thursday, May 26, 2005

A letter to Jason

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When I woke up this morning I was overwhelmed with thoughts of you.
I just want to tell you how much "I love you"... over and over and over again. Yet, my words can never come close to reproducing the love that I have and how I truly feel about you. I love and miss you more than you will ever know. The love that we share is what gets me through every minute that I am without you. As each day passes by and night comes, I pray to have dreams of you, to feel as though I am in your arms again. And when I wake up to the reality that you are not here, I look at your pictures and anxiously await to when we will chat again on the Web Cam. I get overwhelmed when I think of the physical distance between us, but then I realize in reality you are only a heartbeat away!

I love you Sweetie!!
Forever yours,

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

American Idol - and the winner is....

Country Sweetheart Carrie Underwood, 22, from Checotah, Ok became Fox's American Idol Season 4 winner tonight, as Southern Rocker Bo Bice, 29, from Helena, AL was the runner—up.

During the finale, Carrie Underwood sang "Bless the Broken Road" with guest Rascal Flatts. Bo Bice rocked out to "Sweet Home Alabama" with guest Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Carrie Underwood will release her first single "Inside Your Heaven" on June 14. I am a fan of country music and am looking forward to hearing Carrie's CD. Congrats to you Carrie! You have a beautiful smile and voice and will make America proud!

A tearful Carrie sang "Inside Your Heaven," which both she and Bo performed in Tuesday's performance. The judges all thought Bo outsang Carrie on the song, however the voting audience showed otherwise.

However, as a HUGE Bo Bice fan I was obviously disappointed that he did not win, however I congratulate him on all he has accomplished. I have all the confidence in the world that he will make it far in his music career. I can't wait to buy his CD when it comes out. He has such star quality and has such a sincerity about him. His vocals are amazing! He has this voice that you just can't get out of your head! He is also an outstanding performer! I love to watch him on stage. WOW.. I just can't say enough positive things about him. Rock on Bo!! You're the best in our hearts!!

When Bo was interviewed after the finale tonight He was asked what's next for him, he said, "I'm just going on from here to make MUSIC!"

He was all smiles, looked genuinely happy and said, "I'm ecstatic - I've just had the best day of my life!"

When asked about Carrie he said, "She's a great kid and I love her! The right person won. America made the right choice."

Bo said, "You'll be able to buy my CD. You'll be able to buy hers. At the end of the day, it's about what you give, not what you get. Making music is about passing on the love."

My plans for today....

Dolled Up

Good morning everyone! I have yet another busy day planned. Once I get my typing done (Medical Transcription - atleast whats due today) then the kids and I are going to get ready to run errands. Busy, busy, busy... lol, It never slows down! But that's ok, it keeps me young!

Off The Rack

First off is a trip by the bank, then a trip to Goodys Clothing. The girls need new bathing suits (as they are going to their nanna's this weekend - their dad is coming in town from Indiana for Memorial Day Weekend.... and their Nanna has a pool). Goodys has really cute clothes, plus they offer a MILITARY DISCOUNT!! (which is MUCH appreciated!! - thanks to all the businesses that offer discounts to our military and the families). The kids are excited about getting new bathing suits!


Then we need to make a trip to the grocery store, fun fun fun.. haha Grocery shopping is not much fun, but something that has to be done (of course I need to clip those coupons and look through the flyers to see where the deals are this week - see shopping is too complicated, but hey if you do it right you can save $$$).


When we get home, I need to burn those other CDs the girls requested, which we didn't get to yesterday.

Mowing The Lawn

Uhhh then I really need to cut the grass again! Hmmm, I probably could put this off till Friday or Saturday, but I do want to keep the yard looking nice. We will just have to see how the day goes.


AND...at 2:00 I am going to get on the Web Cam with my Sweetie! (best part of my day!!!!!!!!!!). Yesterday I got really emotional talking to him and teared up. I don't do that often (in front of him) because I know he has a hard time being away from us to, and I know there is nothing that we can do about it. I try to stay strong and supportive, but yesterday thinking about how I won't get to hold him again for another 7 months (IF he gets to come on in December for a two week break) just really got to me!! I love that man SOOOOOOO much!!!!!!!!

Feed Me

ok, ok, back to planning my day.... I also need to figure out what I am cooking for dinner tonight, hmmm? Maybe something really quick and easy tonight... ok, I convienced myself.. that sounds good to me!!

American Idol

Tonight my best friend Sharon is coming over to watch the Finale of American Idol Season 4 with us ~ Go Bo Bice!! ~


LOL..... Ok, maybe I am enjoying the emoticons a little too much today.. but it's all FUN and they make me SMILE! (and believe me, I need to smile because I do get stressed and down sometimes - and we dont want that do we?).

So, I hope everyone has a really great day!!
Love ya!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

8 U.S. Soldiers Killed in 2 Days in Iraq

I was reading an article on Yahoo News about "8 U.S. Soldiers Killed in 2 Days in Iraq" and my heartfelt prayers go out to the familes of these soldiers!

These soliders were brave men and women who wore their uniforms proudly. Please dont let them be fallen soldiers in a forgotten war. As Memorial Day approaches and we plan to honor soldiers who have died in wars past, don't forget to recognize the soliders who are currently serving and have died in the war we are in. These families will experience Memorial Day in a way they have never experienced before, and I can't begin to imagine how emotional and hard it will be for them.

Please lift up our soldiers daily in your prayers!

E-mail Ministry "Speak Through Me"

Yesterday I started a new E-Mail Ministry. I wanted to share this one with you! If you would like to join up... see the bottom of the post for email instructions.

Speak Through Me .... An E-Mail Ministry by Deanne A*****

"Speak Through Me"

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I really want to completely surrender myself to God. So many times I have said I was doing so, somehow in my mind maybe I thought that I was, yet in my heart I had not totally surrendered all to Him. I thought, if I commit to doing this or that, then that will make God happy, yet if I am halfway doing something and am only luke warm, then I am not pleasing God. I have prayed diligently concerning many areas of my Christian walk. God knows where I am needed and He knows the path to direct me down, I simply had to be still and listen. In reflecting on my life as a Christian I deeply desired to have the passion for my First Love (Christ) again. My love and devotion for Christ had honestly gotten mixed in with the busyness of my day to day life. I also knew I must surrender ALL in order to have the abundant life in Christ that I have desired to have.

See I have this incredible vision that God has placed in my heart, a burning passion to share His Word with the world, to let Him "Speak Through Me". I have prayed that God use me for His Will, not my own. Like the song says "I'm coming back to the heart of worship, it's all about You, it's all about You Jesus". In the coming months I hope to share many things with you that the Lord has placed in my heart, as I surrender all to Him, and allow Him to "Speak Through Me".

In His Service,
Deanne A*****

If you would like to receive "Speak Through Me" devotionals in your email, PLEASE EMAIL ME at lifebackhome@bellsouth.net and type "subscribe" in the subject line.

All email addresses are put in the BCC so they are not available to other recipients.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Schools Out


School's out!! The girls are so excited to have the summer off. No more school till August!


Monday morning started off pretty much as normal, although I didnt have to take the girls to school. I got up to get my transcription started. Alex and Hayden both got up as well. I cooked breakfast and sat down to start on my work. Erin slept in late and when she woke up she came walking in my office (still looking half asleep). She didnt realize it...but... she had a BIG wad of gum in her hair! ahhhhh. We got in the kitchen got some cooking oil and got it out. LOL, then she had this really greasy hair from the cooking oil, we just laughed. She had to go get a shower and wash it out.


Erin played outside alot today, however Alex and Hayden didnt want to go outside. They wanted to play with Alex's new Pet Shop toys and the Hello Kitty computer game. They both went back and fourth between these two toys all day. I was really surprised that Hayden did so well with the computer game, as he just turned 3. However, he could move and point and click the mouse. The Hello Kitty game had several games that he was able to play too (games that required you match shapes and colors). He looked so cute sitting at their desk playing. I recently moved their desk and computer into one side of my office. I had to reformat their computer and put it back to its original state (as Hayden had been messing with it). Now that its in my office He will not be able to do that! I need to reload all of their other games too.

Mix Master

Today the girls wanted me to burn them some CDs. They both had a list of songs they wanted, so we got all the songs downloaded, burned and listen to some music. They both wanted a "country music" cd, however tomorrow they want me to burn them a cd with "christian music", so we will do that tomorrow as well.

I Love You Email

I talked to my Sweetie today via Web Cam. We talked for about an hour, I love talking to him, but hate when we have to let each other go. I know I am very fortunate that we get to communicate as much and the way we do, but nothing compares to having him home! I miss him so much..... We let each other go and he was going to be getting ready for his shift soon. He seemed in much better spirits today as he had two off days coming (Tuesday and Wednesday).

Well Im off to bed.. "Night Night" all.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Sunday ~ Busy day

Alarm Clock
We had to get up super early this morning (when the choir sings we have to be at the church at 8:00 am to practice). So I got all four kids (my 3 and a friend) up and ready and we made it to church on time this week!

Troop Smiley
I did not attend my regular SMBS (Sunday Morning Bible Study) class, as I was a guest speaker in the "Princess Class" (Girls ages 7-9). Their teacher Kim wanted me to come and speak about Jason, as yesterday (Saturday, April 21, 2005) was Armed Forces Day. I spoke to the girls about our soldiers and how each one of them is someones husband, wife, mom, dad, etc. I talked about how important their job is (whether they be stateside doing Airport security, whether they are MPs in Germany, or whether they were fighting in Iraq). I explained the important sacrifice that they are making (some by puting their lives on the line and also by being seperated from their families for so long). I talked about how we should be proud of our soldiers because their willingness to serve our country was a true testament to the importance of our freedom. I then spoke specifically of Jason and how much we love and miss him. I told them how he will be gone a total of about 15 months and how hard that was on us and him. I explained how we have pictures of him all around the house and how we communicate through our web cams and talk. I then shared with them pictures of us with Jason at the Deployement Ceremony the day he left. The pictures I shared with them is actually a large collage of pictures (some of the deployement ceremony with Jason in his uniform, but some of other family pictures, and Jason and the kids). This particular collage of pictures I keep hung by Hayden's bed so that he can look up and see daddy anytime he wants too. I reminded the girls in the class that every day we need to pray for our President, our nation, our troops and for the familes.

Thumbs Up

Oh and I signed up to help out with Vacation Bible School this summer too. That will be a blast! I usually help out in the Craft area... and Monica said I could work that area again this year. They were going to have a meeting after church, but I couldnt stay as I needed to get Alex's friend back home so her mother could come pick her up. I look forward to VBS! I know the kids will have a great time.

Painted I Love You
After church, we came home and of course got on the web cam with Jason. He seemed really down today and this bothered me. I know how hard it is for me to be away from him, and I know it is so hard for him too, to be so far away from us ....for so long!!! I love and miss him SOOOO much!!!! I pray that the Lord will comfort us and give us peace. I pray that Lord also bring people and events in my life to help keep me busy as well.

Shopping 2

AND finally... I got to take Alex shopping. We rode out to Target and she looked around. She had $70 to spend and decided to spent it all on "My Little Pet Shop" toys. She got the cuttest little toys. They couldnt wait to get home to play with it.

TV 3

I was supposed to go to the Faith Builder's Seminar tonight, but my head it pouding! I am about to take two Advil and sit back relax and take it easy for a while..... and hopefully go to bed early tonight. Take care all.. and God bless!!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Happy Birthday Alex

Today was Alex's 9th Birthday. She had a blast at her B'day party. First we had cake and icecream, then Alex was ready to open her presents. She got lots of things she asked for and money too. She loves anything PINK and Hello Kitty, she got plenty of both of those. She talked to Jason on the web cam earlier that day and he got to tell her Happy Birthday (he also had mailed her a card with money... which she was happy about of course). After she opened her presents most everyone left, then my dad took me and the kids to the local park and let the kids play. They ran, climbed, slide, swung and had a blast. Then as a special treat he took us by Dairy Queen for ice-cream cones to cool us down. We got home and she played with the toys she had gotten (and with her friend Lauren who spent the night) and I loaded her Hello Kitty Computer game on their computer (Thanks Mom.. it was a great gift.. she loves it!!). The girls stayed up late giggling and having fun. Alex had a great birthday.

ps. She can't wait to go shopping tomorrow after church to spend her Birthday money!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Why do women rearrange the furniture?

I have been a busy bee the past few days. I rearranged the furniture in Erin and Alex's rooms, Hayden's room, and today in my office. LOL, I recently read on a web site that "women rearrange furniture and endlessly talk about their feelings". YEP... thats me! I work from home doing medical transcription, so I am home basically ALL of the time. I have to look at my house all day (which I love to keep clean and organized). It makes me happy to have a clean/organized home. I got a lot of cleaning done today too, and was able to shampoo the carpet. As far as the rearranging of the furniture, I guess I get bored with it the way it is sometimes, and think it would function better in a different layout, I dont know, I just do it! Hmmm....Why do women rearrange the furniture so often?


Today my hubby has been deployed 3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days!! (and we have atleast another 11 months to go!) I admit the past 3 1/2 months have gone by fast, but then again we have gotten to see Jason twice during that time (right before he headed to Germany and then again when his grandmother died). Now we won't see him until MAYBE this winter (in 7 months!) for another 14 day leave. Then he will head back to Germany. Hopefully they will be back in the US around April of 2006 (but there are no promises of that date). I miss him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he does get to come home for another visit this winter I am dreading that the time will drag until it gets here.. we are looking at Christmas (that seems SOOO far away)!! I think I used to take for granted that I saw my sweet love every day, that I got to hold him, kiss him and snuggle on the couch....now he is so far away and I miss him so much!


Well I'm about to go soak in a nice hot bath and go to bed. I have a busy day tomorrow with Alex's birthday party!

I Love You

Jason, Goodnight and sweet dreams my Sweet Love! I know its morning already there, but you should be getting off your night shift and going to bed soon yourself! I love you SOOOO MUCH baby!!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Erin's Memory Book

Daughter & Father
I was looking through Erin's 5th Grade Memory Book... There was a section where she had to describe a person without telling who they are. This is what she wrote.

He plays around all the time. He has a favorite phrase "How about them apples?". He flings couch pillows at me. He once put butter on my face. I hid from him in the shower, but he just turned it on. He takes me on walks down the street. He tells my mom, "Get in the bed and rub my feet."

I just died laughing when I read this, as she is describing my husband Jason (her step father). I miss him so much! The kids really miss him bunches too!!

Jason, We love you so much baby!!! Thank you for all the memories you have given us.....we look forward to all the wonderful memories we will continue to make with you.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Wish today was over!

Crying 1
I just wish today was over!!!
I cant talk about it.....
but today is just a really really bad day!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Lets love....

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I found this poem and I wanted to share it...

We may never learn all there is to know about love, but everyday together will teach us a little more about ourselves and the special kind of happiness we can bring to each other...

I know you are not always going to be exactly the same person Sunday through Saturday, January through December and neither am I...

We both need laughing times and crying times and times for every other mood in between...

Let's give our best to each other, but let us never expect miracles of our love. The reality of you and me is better than all the impossible dreams and fantasies I've ever imagined...

Being with you is feeling proud, blessed, grateful for each hour we share...

Let me love you not according to any how-to-book, or by someone elses set of rules, but simply for WHO you are, and how you are with me.

And PLEASE love me not for what I ought to be, for what I might be molded into but for what I AM here and now...

Don't expect me to be someone all good and all giving, someone who could never dissapoint you, someone too right to be real, and too perfect to be me. I'm just as human as anyone I know... and very thankful that you are too....

Lets not worry what went wrong yesterday. Lets help each other make today as right as it can be...believing in ourselves and in our ability to handle what ever tomorrow may bring... and trusting that this love we share will continue to grow stronger as the future years unfold one beautiful day at a time.