I Love My Soldier: June 2005













Jason was activated 01/31/2005
His deployment ended
and he returned home 05/13/2006
(a very long 15 1/2 months)



Our
Beautiful
Family







Thursday, June 30, 2005

Emotional

The Thinker
uhhh.. I'm just so emotional this week. I know, I know. I'm supposed to be strong and have joy in the good things in my life, and I know all this. I do want to be happy, I don't want to feel so "emotional"...... but this week that is just what I have been. This blog is my sounding board and sometimes I just have to say.. "hey I'm not having a good week". Just being honest. So sorry folks if I have not being very encouraging, I just have lots on my mind. It will pass (as always).


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Another busy busy day..

I'm Busy
Today has been a busy day (already). First of all Erin had to go have the mold redone for her crown.. so we had to be at the dentist at 8:00 am.

When we got home Jason and I got on the web cam for a little while. Today is his day off and he has some things he is going to do so we didnt talk long, but will try to talk again late this afternoon (which will be late night for him) before the kids and I go to church.

Couple 2
Jason and I had a long talk last night... It is really hard on both of us with him being gone. We had kind of gotten into a "spat" yesterday, but we made up! He is going through a lot there (things going on there) and is still having a hard time dealing with the passing of his father (January). I too am dealing with a lot of issues at home (I also feel overwhelmed and stressed out big time!!!). Emotions run high on both ends and sometimes we both end up saying things we shouldnt. Marriage is hard enough these days to survive and being thousands of miles apart makes it that much more difficult. However we love each other and even though times can be tough, this deployment will make our marriage stronger than ever (as we have been able to communicate and open up more - since communication is all we have right now) . I love him sooooo much and I know that we will spend the rest of our lives together!

Well I am SUPER busy working (medical transcription) so better get back to that. Have a great day everyone!!


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Really emotional afternoon!!

Happy Mad Tears
I am having a really BAD afternoon!!! Lots of emotions going on today in my life!! I hope tomorrow is better!


Scrushy Verdict - Not guilty!!


The Richard Scrushy verdict was read... Not Guilty!

Jurors acquitted HealthSouth Corp. founder and fired Chief Executive Richard Scrushy on Tuesday of all charges related to the $2.7 billion accounting scam which took place from 1996 to 2002.

"Scrushy, a native of Alabama, has denied any wrongdoing. The fired CEO blamed the fraud on subordinates, including former chief financial officers and other former executives who have pleaded guilty in the scheme."

http://www.morningviewpoint.com/ - With Richard and Leslie Scrushy.


Bummed out!

Thumbs Down
Hey all, I know I didnt post yesterday, and I had a lot of hits to my page yesterday too (I'm sure some of you are wondering what's up). I just didnt feel like posting yesterday. There is a alot going on, but hey here I am. As most of you know I am in Alabama and my husband is currently deployed in Germany. My ex-husband lives in Indiana and our daughters are going to go spend a month with him (Actually a little more than a month). They are leaving this weekend and that also has me "bummed"! They usually go see their dad for two weeks at a time during the summer (but we decided this summer that he could combine his time ). I am happy for the girls, as this is good for them to spend this time with their dad (They love and miss him and they really enjoy the time they spend with him and their step-family). However we miss them when they are gone. Honestly the first few days are nice for me (kind of a break from the hectic summer of all the kids being home) but then I miss my girls and want them back home with me. It will be hard with them being gone 37 days straight!!! Hayden (their little brother - my 3 year old son with Jason) will really miss them! Hayden already has daddy far away in Germany, we hardly ever get to see my step-daughter Macie (Jason's daughter from his first marriage - His ex-wife will not allow me to get Macie while Jason is deployed - so I rely on when Jason's mom can get her to see Macie), and now Erin and Alex will be in Indiana for 37 days! I hope this doesnt confuse Hayden. He can talk to the girls on the phone while they are gone (I need to check and see if their dad has a web cam). It will be different around here with it just being me and Hayden for a month. We will have to find lots of things to do.

Thumbs Up
Well have a great day everyone! I gotta get this transcription done so the kids and I can spend some quality time together later.


Sunday, June 26, 2005

Sunday...

Sunburn 2
Despite sunblock yesterday Erin and I both ended up getting sunburned. Hayden's face was a little rosy, but not too bad. Alex seemed to be fine (she got a little tan). This morning it seemed hard for Erin and I to even move, but we got up and got ready for church.

Jesus Fish
This morning the kids and I really enjoyed the church we now call home! Sunday school and service were both amazing. I really enjoyed the SS class, the interaction, and the lesson. Brother Jimmy's sermon really touched and inspired me. One of the things he said was just because we face trials does not mean we have to be unhappy. We can have restoration because of our relationship with Christ. God wants us to do His Will. We should want to be right with God more than anything. He will touch our lives and meet our needs. One other thing Brother Jimmy said is sometimes God allows us to go through circumstances to make us stronger, closer to Him, and for our testimony to witness to others. I knew this to be true. I have been through so much in the past year and a half (Jason's near death accident, his current deployment, and other personal issues I have faced) and through all of this I have become stronger and wiser, have grown closer to God than I ever thought possible, and have had people tell me my testimony has touched their lives. I got so much out of the sermon today and was very inspired! We are looking forward to becoming an active part of the church and involving ourselves in the ministries that they provide. We had planned on going to church tonight, but Hayden was not feeling well this afternoon and has actually already gone to bed.

Big Hug
When we got home from church this afternoon, we ate lunch and then around 1:00 logged onto Messenger and the web cams and chatted with Jason. I talked to Jason a while and then Hayden, Erin and Alex all got their turn too. On Yahoo Messenger we found that there is a Doodle Pad and the kids could "doodle" in the Messenger Box and Jason could see what they were doing. He also could interact and "doodle" with them. It was fun. There was also a Tic-Tac-Toe game on there. Jason and I played and then Alex and Jason played. It was so good for the kids and Jason to have this interaction with each other (besides just sitting and talking).


Saturday, June 25, 2005

Fun filled day - Spring Valley Beach

Lifegaurd


This morning my mother-in-law and I took the kids to "Spring Valley Beach" and had a GREAT time. It's an hour drive from our home and we headed out a little before 9:00 a.m. and got there right at 10:00 a.m. when they opened. The kids (and us adults) had a blast! We played in the kiddie pool, and the mail pool area. Hayden didn't seem scared of anything at all. We really had to keep an eye on him. Erin, Macie and Alex had such a good time and played all day. Up the hill was the water slides, the "Circle S" water slide (which all the kids loved - even Hayden rode it with me and had a blast), on and the "Side Winder" which was awesome - such an adrenaline rush! First I rode it with Erin on a double tube, then Alex and I rode it (twice). After a long day, Hayden passed out while sitting by the "Circle S" slide watching the girls. Then it started raining and since we were all extremely tired we called it quits at 4:00 p.m.. It was a fun filled day!

You gotta go check out the pictures here LINK BELOW.. (ONCE IN ALBUM - CLICK ON PHOTO TO ENLARGE)

http://ilovemysoldier.myphotoalbum.com/view_album.php?set_albumName=album08

Sand I Love You

Since Jason and I missed our normal time on the web cams, he left me an email and asked me to call him tonight. It was about 6:00 pm when we finally got to talk (of course it was 1:00 am there and he was working his night shift so he could only talk a few minutes). It was great to hear his voice. He asked about our day and I promised to email him pics. I miss him so much. I wish he could have been there with us. I truly love that man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


NJ Boys death - prayer for families

Crying 1
Yesterday when I heard that the bodies of the three missing boys from New Jersey (Daniel Agosto, 6; Jesstin Pagan, 5; and Anibal Cruz, 11) had been found in the trunk of a car (ruled accidental suffication) I just broke down in tears and cried! I can't even begin to imagine what these familes must be going through. AND these poor little boys to die like this.... It just breaks my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear Lord please surround these families with your presence, and comfort them as the mourn the loss of these children.


Friday, June 24, 2005

Ready for the weekend...

Couples

I got up this morning and have been busy busy working. My sweetie and I talked a little early today on the Web Cam... However his Cam was acting strange again and completly locking us both up everytime he brought his cam up... So we talked through the microphones on the computer and he just saw me over the cam (Hopefully he can figure out what is wrong with his cam connection). I stopped for a moment to blog for the day and then its back to my typing (Medical Transcription). Jason has PT and then he will be back on the web cam to chat with me again 1:00 pm my time (8:00 pm - his time). I love and miss him soooooo much! Talking to him makes my day (and the sweet emails that he sends too). He makes my heart melt!

Seesaw

Whenever I finish with my work for the day and after the kids and I eat dinner (hopefully all by 5:30 pm) I am planning on us riding the bikes back over to the school playground to play for a while.

Beach Party

Saturday the kids and I, along with Jason's mom and Jason's daughter Macie are going to a water park called Spring Valley Beach... I checked it out on the web http://www.springvalleybeach.com/ and here is another link with more photos http://www.springvalleybeach.com/gpage1.html and it looks like it will be a blast.. OF course I will take pictures and add them to our Photo Album this weekend

Well have a great weekend everyone.. and I will blog some more this weekend!


Thursday, June 23, 2005

"and so they prayed"


06/23/05: Speak Through Me .... An E-Mail Ministry by Deanne -----

“and so they prayed”

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving. (Colossians 4:2)

I accepted Christ into my life at a very young age and rededicated my life to him once I became an adult. I have always known what "prayer" was, but to be honest it has been in the past couple of years that I truly started appreciating exactly what prayer is and does.

I know there are times when someone comes to my mind unexpectedly and during those times I never ignore that thought. I am alert to those moments and believe that it is the Holy Spirit leading me to pray for that person. I may not know why or what is going on, but I will stop and lift that person up in prayer. I have also become a part of several prayer groups and have been blessed in praying for others.

I appreciate prayer for the close intimate relationship it is with God. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8) I know that since I started diligently praying, and praying the scriptures over my life, over my family's life, and praying for those who are in need I have come to know God's love more fully in a way I never had before. I enjoy my fellowship with God through my prayer time. My prayers are not only needs, but are praises and giving of thanks for simply being who He is!

Thank you Lord for your guidance and teaching me to be attentive to the Holy Spirit. Help me Lord to be a faithful prayer warrior who prays for those in need. If there is one who needs prayer I ask that you bring their name to my heart so that I may lift them up to you. Thank you Lord for the quality time I spend in prayer with you. Thank you for hearing my praises, my innermost needs, and my fears. Thank you for the reassurance I get from you through faith, through the Holy Spirit, and through your Word that you will meet my needs according to your will.

In His Service,
Deanne -----


If you would like to receive "Speak Through Me" devotionals via email, please email me at lifebackhome@bellsouth.net and type SUBSCRIBE in the subject line (All emails are sent with addresses in the BCC so the address is not shared with others).


Come out, come out whoever you are!


I get a large amount of “hits” to my Blog everyday. I know certain people that frequently visit my Blog, but I do wonder just WHO all stops by. Anywhere from 30-60 people pass through here daily. Who all can they be?

I do hope that you enjoy a peek into my life, and enjoy the updates on me, Jason, and the kids. I truly enjoy the Blog and wish I had done this a long time ago. It is a great way for me to express myself, be creative, keep a journal, and give updates on Jason’s deployment, and leave Jason sweet notes too! Blogging has been great and will be something I will continue to do way after Jason returns home next year. Hmm I might have to start a new blog then and name it something else.

There is a COMMENT SECTION under each post (click on it and a new window pops up to leave your comment in). I would love for you to leave a comment. You don’t have to say much if you chose not to, but maybe just say who you are, where you are from, how you heard about my blog. Or you can leave the name blank and just say hello.

I just thought that THIS ONE TIME I would say “come out, come out, who ever you are” and see if you respond.

Have a great day everyone!


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

~ Home Church ~

Psalms
Tonight the kids and I had a great evening. We went to visit the church that we had attended 5-years-ago. As soon as we got out of the car I recognized faces from the past. Inside we spoke to several people and to Brother Jimmy. Tonight was not a regular Wednesday night service but was the "Business Meeting". We sang a few songs then the meeting started. Brother Jimmy went over the business of the church, talked about the new building that should be finished by Thanksgiving, then they went over the entire budget, answered questions, etc, and also passed out a prayer list. It was great to be a part of this "Business Meeting" and to know exactly what was going on in the church. This is something that is very important to me.

The girls told me they really enjoyed their class "Team Kid" (Kids in Discipleship). Their teacher was very nice and gave them her cell phone number and said if for any reason I could not bring them one Wednesday night to let her know and she would come pick them up. They are excited about coming back Sunday.

About 45 minutes after we got home Brother Jimmy called. We talked for a while and he asked me what allI had been up to. I talked about how I worked from home, when I married Jason, Jason being deployed, etc. He talked about his kids and his wife Carol and told me what all they had been doing. He said after church some people came up to him and said they rememberd me from before and a couple said I was "the girl that writes an article in the Shopping News". I told him yes that I also wrote an e-mail ministry "Speak Through Me" and had a monthly article by the same name in the local paper. He said someone had told him that they thought something had happened to my husband before (an accident) .. So I told him of Jason's accident (Traumatic Brain Injury) March 2004 and how he underwent emergency surgery and spent a month in the NICU. We had a nice conversation and in ending he said he wanted me to know that if they could help me in anyway while Jason was deployed to let them know.

I am excited about going back Sunday morning. I am excited about hearing Brother Jimmy's sermons again and becoming a part of this ministry. I feel like we are back home!


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Missing Boy Scout Found Alive!!


Missing boy scout from Utah, 11-year-old Brennan Hawkins, missing since Friday June 17th, has been found ALIVE AND WELL (5 miles from where he went missing) Praise God!!!


Yesterday - A fun afternoon.

Bike Riding

Yesterday afternoon after I got my work completed I cooked dinner, woke Hayden up from a late nap and asked him if he wanted to go to the "park". The kids and I put on our helmets and went for a bike ride. We rode down to the school and played on the playground. They had a great time and the weather was not too bad (as it was already later in the evening). We rode our bikes back home, came in for ice cream and played around in the back yard for a while. Once we got in the house we got baths and chilled out for the evening.

TV 3

At 9:00 the kids and I watched "Operation HomeFront" where they show families and their soldiers being reunited. It was a very emotional show and of course I was already having one of those emotional days.. so you know I cried! I can't wait until the kids and I are reunited with Jason again.

Thunderstorms

At the end of the show it had started storming really really bad. It was raining and lightening and the kids were scared. It was already time for bed so they all came and pilled in the bed with me (well one made a palet in my bedroom floor) and we put in "Cheaper by the Dozen" since the satelite was going in and out. I set the timer on the TV and don't even remember when it went off. We were all so very tired.


Monday, June 20, 2005

Emotional Day



I just got off the Web Cam with my sweetie. He seemed somewhat quiet and distant today. It hurt my feelings some, but then again I have been really emotional today too. Also I had a bad dream last night and I am sure that didn't help my feelings/emotional state today either. I just HATE not having him home with me. It is soooo hard to live this life. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to him, and it's not fair to our children! However, I know he has "an important job to do", which is what I keep telling myself and the kids. We are very proud of him (for fullfilling his role as soldier but we miss husband and daddy)! Sorry to ramble about how down I feel today, but hey it's life. This is how it is for us. There are good days and there are bad days.. and today is just one of those bad (emotional) days.


Sunday, June 19, 2005

Update - The search for a church


(update 7:40 pm) The process of changing churches is a big adjustment. I am trying to pay close attention to what God is telling me to do, rather than what people are telling me I ought to do (or ought not do). I am getting mixed feelings from people I used to attend church with. Some are encouraging, yet some have come across as thinking I am making the wrong decision for leaving. However I must do what is best for me and my family. Is that selfish to be seeking what is best for us, to have our needs met? No! I know what my family and I "need" and our "needs" are important in order for us to continue to grow in the Lord and serve Him. For I know the Lord will supply all my needs, according to his riches and glory. I dont believe I am being selfish at all by wanting to find a church that meets the needs of me and my children. I am a faithful and obedient child of God and have always been comitted and contributed greatly to the ministry that God has involved me in. So whatever my reasons are for leaving it is something that I have considered over time (no quick hasty decisions) and has been a matter of diligently praying.

I know I have been a little discouraged the past couple of weeks as I have been "searching" for the right church for me and my family... yet the following scripture comforts me during our "search".

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your god will be with you wherever you go."


Happy Father's Day

Father's Day 4
I want to wish my father a Happy Father's Day. Thank you for always being there for me and being so supportive in my life.

I also want to wish my husband, Jason, a Happy Father's Day. Not only are you a terrific husband, but you are an awesome father as well. We miss you terribly, but even from a distance you project your love and humor that keeps a smile on the children's faces. We want to wish you a special Happy Father's Day because you are so special to us!!!!!

Place Of Worship
I will be honest and say that today I am feeling frustrated. We went to visit yet another church within our city and have realized this church is also not meant for us. However everyone there was awesome, very very nice. However the children's ministry was very small and there was NO class for Hayden at all. He had to stay with me in the sanctuary. There was a very small room in the back of the sanctuary that you could take your children in (and as he is 3 and full of energy we went in that room). Off and on during service other mothers brought their 2-3 year old kids in there as well. I was not able to worship or hear the word and this bothered me. I want Hayden to have a class (they did not have anything for the kids until they turned 4) so that he can get the "word" on his level. AND I need to be able to worship and get the word without having to tend to him. I felt very frustrated and almost wanted to cry on my way home. I believe next Sunday we need to go to the church we originally planned on this morning (which is the church I attended 5 years ago). I am praying that the Lord will show us where he wants us SOON!


Saturday, June 18, 2005

Washing, Washing, Washing...


Pressure washing..Yep, that's what I've been doing. We have soooooo much concrete! Our drive way in the front is wide enough to park two cars in front of the house... the drive goes down the side of the house to the back yard where it leads to the garage and continues surrounding the large deck. So Friday I decide to tackle the back yard and get out the pressure washer. I cleaned a large portion of the concrete then stopped and cleaned half of the deck. It was getting late, as I got a late start so I called it quits for the evening.

Party Time

Saturday morning we slept in late, then woke up and just sat around until we had to get ready for a b'day party the kids were invited to. The party was at McDonalds and the kids had a great time. After the party we went by my moms and hung out with her a while.

Sweat

Then it was back home to do MORE pressure washing!! I still needed to pressure wash the rest of the back deck, but decided to continue with the driveway. UHHHH I didnt realize we had sooo much concrete. I finished all the concrete around the deck and in front of the garage and started down the side of the house heading towards the front. I got all the way to the gate (half way through) and the pressure washer ran out of gas. YEAH!!! I was tired of holding that wand anyway! So I am going to save the remainder (half of side drive, front drive, front deck and rest of back deck) for next weekend. BUT I must say WOW the back is looking GOOD!!!!

However my outside work was not done for the day. I cut the grass in the front yard, then moved to the back yard to cut the back as well. The kids had started catching lightening bugs and I went inside.

Maid

So I did all I could do outside and came in and cooked dinner. The kids and I sat down ate, chatted and enjoyed our dinner together. The girls have been into making collages with pictures taken out of magazines. My mom had given them a large stack of magazines and the girls sat down and starting cutting away. I decided to get some cleaning and washing done, then got the kids in the bath and settled in for the night, got a nice hot bath of my own, finished up some washing, and here I am... blogging.

Place Of Worship

I am looking forward to tomorrow (Sunday Morning). We were originally going to go visit a baptist church we used to attend 5 years ago, but I feel lead to go visit another nondenominational church in our city. I actually drove by this church about 8 months ago contemplating at that time to go visit. Now that I have left my former church of five years I feel it is time for me to visit this church.

Well I'm off to bed... Good night everyone.


Thursday, June 16, 2005

Worth It!

Couples

Missing my husband (Jason) deployed 4 months, 2 weeks and 2 days!

I found this quote (below) today and thought it was beautiful and I wanted to share it! He is sooooo worth it!

"What I have with him is worth it. It is worth every lonely night, every tear I cry from missing him, and the pain I feel from not having him close. It is worth it because he is my one and only. When I picture myself years from now, I see only him. No matter how painful distance can be, not having him in my life would be worse." - Author Unknown


What a night!!!

Sleeping
I ended up staying up late last night typing (Medical Transcription) and then did a late night update on my blog too. I was exhausted when I finally went to bed. My son Hayden (who is 3 -years-old) had fallen asleep in his bed way too early (and had even missed dinner). At some point during the night he woke up and crawled in bed with me. I was woken up at one point hearing him cry, I rolled over and notice him beside me. He was tossing and turning and crying. I woke him up and asked him what was wrong. He sat straight up in the bed, looked around the room and in a tone that sounded as if he was asking me, he said "it was just a dream?". I told him that he must have had a bad dream. He said "Smokey" (the dog next door) "tried to get me". I comforted him and told him that he was ok and that Smokey was in the fence next door. It must have been about 2:30 a.m. at this point and he really didn't want to go back to bed. I asked him if he wanted to go back to his room and he said "No, I scared". So I turned on my TV (set the timer), got him a sippy cup, and I laid back down trying to go back to sleep. Hayden woke me up about 20 minutes later telling me he was hungry (this figures as he didn't eat dinner). So I go in the kitchen and get him something to settle him down. Well all this commotion woke up Alex (my 9-year-old daughter). She came walking in my room with her pillow and blanket. She had a pout on her face and said she couldn't sleep and wanted in my bed too. So, Hayden finishes eating and they both lay down. I finally dose off to sleep, but wake up with Hayden and Alex squirming around. Well shortly afterwards Erin (my oldest daughter - almost 11) comes walking in my room too! I tell them all that they need to get in their own beds. They all go to their rooms, but Hayden of course wanted to stay, well.. first he tried to go get in Erin's bed, but then he came back in my room. I asked him if he wanted in his room, he said yes, but came right back in my room and said he was scared. So I told him he needed to lay down and go to sleep, so he cuddled up beside me in my bed. At this point it was nearly 4 a.m. and I was soooo tired. Needless to say I overslept this morning, but got up and got started on my work (transcription).

House
Then about 10:00 am or so my husband's cousin comes by to clean out my gutters on the A-framed part of the back of the house. They really needed cleaning out and especially since the storms and all the rain we have had the past couple of weeks.... it was a big mess (We have a massive tree in our back yard that makes such a mess on the roof).

Foot Long
So I came back in my office to work, stopped to fix lunch, and here I am now (blogging for just a minute) and then back to work.

Camouflage
I am looking forward to 1:30 pm today as Jason and I will get to talk. Today will be a short day (we usually talk from 1:00 - 2:00 on the web cam). But he had some things going on and didnt get much sleep. So we won't get to talk today until 1:30 pm (8:30 pm there). I am just grateful for any amount of time we get to talk.

Wakka Wakka
Well have a GREAT day everyone.


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Trust....??


We want to think that there are certain people that we can trust to tell anything to. There is a particular person in my life that I have always felt that I could tell anything and this person would be loyal to me and keep it to themselves. Now I am beginning to question this person's loyalty and believe they have entrusted personal things about me to other people (people they also have high confidence and trust in). Now I know I post alot on my blog.. but I don't post everything!! Some things you just don't tell everyone. I am deeply troubled about this and don't know how to approach this person about breaking my trust. I am just going to pray about it and hope that I can use the right words and won't come across harsh (as I do love and think highly of this person and I don't think they meant any harm in the telling, but still they should have kept my business to themself.... or maybe I just need to keep my business to myself!). I'm off to bed...


busy busy day.. as always.

Military

Well I have already been blessed by talking to my Sweetie once today.. It is his off day. I am going to log back on to Yahoo Messenger about 2 pm (9 pm his time) and we will get to talk some more!!!

Sunshine

For now the kids and I are heading back to the dentist... Monday was cleanings for all the kids... but today is to start that crown on Erin's tooth.

Phew

When we get back I will need to get busy with my typing (Medical Transcription) because as I mentioned above at 2:00 I will be chatting with my Sweetie. I have been sooooo busy working lately and trying to get my typing done, while taking care of three kids, keeping the house clean, clothes washed, meals to prepare and cook, etc.. (in addition to cutting the grass, working in the yard, checking on why there was a leak in Hayden's room - oh and I think I need to clean out the gutters on the roof too) it is taking its toll on me. I feel burned out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See, I am not able to sit and work at one time. I work for a while, stop to help someone or do something, sit back down and work some more, stop again. Also trying to dedicate time to get outside some with the kids too. So, I have been staying up late and getting a lot of typing done at night. I have tried to get up early (like I used to).. but I just cant get up early anymore! Uhhhhh I am so so so tired! Ok... sorry to complain... but sometimes I just need to let it out!! (but again I wouldnt give it up for anything as my kids mean to the world to me).

Jesus Fish
Also its Wednesday night and I think the kids and I may go visit a local church tonight. It is the same church we plan on visiting Sunday too. I emailed my friend Amy and told her that we were coming Sunday (as her and her kids go there too).

Have A Great Day
Well Its time for us to get ready to go..... Everyone have a GREAT day!!


Monday, June 13, 2005

What, Who and Why I am.. in Christ!

Place Of Worship

Since leaving the church we have attended for the past five years, I knew it was important to get involved within another ministry. Last Sunday (the 5th) the kids and I "skipped church" (as honestly I wasnt sure exactly where we were going to go visit first). However missing one Sunday was one too many and I knew that could lead to a pattern of trouble that I was not about to let myself get in (much less my children)!

So this past Sunday the children and I went to visit a church in the city that we live. Everyone there seemed extremely nice and helpful in directing us where to go. Hayden went to the preschool class for 3 & 4 year olds. Erin and Alex went to Children's church (K5 - 5th Grade) and I attended service in the sanctuary. I admit the music was not as moving as what I was used to at my "former" church (I just didn't feel as moved).... and honestly I didn't feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, however I knew that I may not be allowing myself to be completly open (as I seemed to be too busy comparing this church to my former church). So I raised my hands to the Lord, sang along with the congregation and prayed that He lead me where he wants me and my family to be. As the worship service ended and the pastor began speaking I was moved by what all he had to say. He spoke of our destiny and how we each have a purpose for the Kingdom of God. I knew this to be true and again prayed that God would show me the place to fullfill my purpose.


The children and I decided to go back for the evening service. Again it was the same as the morning service and even though everyone was extremely nice, and they had much to offer me and my children, I just didnt feel that this was where the Lord was leading us.

One particular thing that hendered me is that the "youth" starts at the age of 11. Children's church is K5 - 5th grade (5 - 10 years old). This would mean my oldest daughter who is about to turn 11 would be in the "youth" and would have to sit in the sanctuary during service. I just dont feel that she is mature enough to understand the Word on the level spoken in "Big church" and feel that she would benefit more by hearing the Word on her level (atleast until she is 13 when most churches move the children up to Youth). This was also a concern of Erin.

This next Sunday we will visit another church (I believe we are going to go visit the church that we had attended before our "former church of five years").

I know many of you may question.. am I walking blind and am I in accordance with God's Will by leaving one church, when I dont yet have a place to go. It has been said to me several times this past week that "God will not shut one door until He opens another" and I believe this to be true. I know that door is open (somewhere) and I am just praying to God to direct my path to lead me to that door.

My decision to leave my "former" church was a personal decision that was given much consideration and prayer. I have prayed over certain circumstances and asked the Lord to show me how to handle certain issues that I was dealing with and questioned. He spoke to my heart and told me that He had a purpose for me (He has great and mighty plans for me) and that I didnt have to attend "said" church to fullfill my destiny in Him. See I don't sing "about" Him, I sing "to" Him. I love to sing His praises! As far as my E-Mail ministry I don't just write "about" Him, I write "for" him and He writes "through" me. I know the fruits I bear are "good and praiseworthy" because they are done as an act of service for the Lord. By no means are they "selfish and self-centered" because the ministries I so love and am involved in are to glorify God!!

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven"... Matthew 5:16.

However I don't want anyone to think that just because I left my former church that I have taken my focus off of Him. See.. I am focusing more on Him now than I ever have. I am running to Him faster and harder than ever. No matter what some may think and say, only God knows the desires of my heart. Through every experience, circumstance and trial I have been through I have pulled my Strength through Him and gained a deeper understanding of His Word and His Will in my life.

I know I can take and make God's Word personal in my life. I know I have been given the power and authority in Him to maxamize the potential he has already placed in me. I am ready, willing, and excited about fullfilling my destiny. In order to know my destiny I know I must first know my identity... my identity is who I am in Christ.. therefore my destiny is to live my life for Him and help lead others to know Him as their Savior. What I am, Who I am and Why I am.. are all for Him!

I also want to share this poem with you... This poem is actually geared towards "graduates" however I found the words comforting to me as I feel that I have been through a learning experience and have gained/and am still gaining knowledge.

Helen Steiner Rice wrote: "Father, I have knowledge, so I pray you'll show me now, how to use it wisely, and find a way somehow; to make the world I live in a little better place, and make life with its problems, a bit easier to face ... Grant me faith and courage and put purpose in my days; and show me how to serve you in the most effective ways, so all my education, my knowledge and my skill, may find true fulfillment as I learn to do your will; and, may I ever be aware in everything I do, that knowledge comes from learning, but wisdom comes from You."


Sunday, June 12, 2005

Flying Without Wings

I Love You

Jason,

I just want to let you know that in your love I am "flying without wings". Your love lifts me to a place that I have NEVER been before. I have found something in you that I have searched my whole life for and will cherish for the rest of my life. I have "found that special thing". Baby, you bring me so much joy . You complete me in a way I cant begin to explain. I thank you for your love!!

I love and miss you soooooooooo much baby!!
Forever yours,
Deanne

RUBEN STUDDARD LYRICS
"Flying Without Wings"

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you find that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find that sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You'll find it in the deepest friendships
The kind you cherish all your lives
And when you know how much that means
You have found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cuz who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

But for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunlight on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place
It's the little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's the flying without wings
'Cuz you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
You're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy it brings
I'm flying without wings


Saturday, June 11, 2005

Update Natalee Holloway


ORANJESTAD, Aruba - One of the young men detained in the disappearance of an Alabama honors student admitted "something bad happened" to the woman they took to the beach after a night of drinking, a police officer said, but the girl's family said Saturday that no body has been found.

Prosecutors refused to comment on the statement by Deputy Police Commissioner Gerold Dompig, who told The Associated Press that the man who made that admission was leading police to the scene. He refused to identify which of the three young men who took Natalee Holloway, 18, to a northern beach the night she went missing made the statement.

Police refused Saturday morning to say whether they discovered anything overnight to solve the mystery of what happened to Holloway, who was last seen in the early hours of May 30.

As rumors circulate on the island that Holloway's body was recovered, the family's spokeswoman Carla Caccavale told the AP: "The family confirms that a body has not been found."

Referring to Dompig's statement, prosecution spokeswoman Vivian van der Biezen said Saturday: "We neither confirm nor deny any information coming from other sources ... (about) alleged statements of suspects in this case."

She added: "Five suspects are being held ... and we are at a very crucial, very important moment in our investigation."

Police investigating Holloway's disappearance arrested a man at dawn Saturday, but later said he had nothing to do with the case.

The three young men arrested Thursday — two Surinamese brothers and the 17-year-old Dutch son of a high-ranking island judicial official — appeared Saturday before a judge, who was deciding whether police have sufficient grounds to continue holding them. Authorities have refused to say on what grounds they were being held.

Police also have detained two other men — former security guards at a hotel near the one where Holloway was staying. No one has been charged in the case.

Island-wide searches by Aruban police, Dutch marines and hundreds of volunteer islanders and tourists continued Saturday, said Ruben Trapenberg, a government spokesman.

Holloway's mother, Beth Holloway Twitty, is feeling the strain, her brother-in-law told the AP on Saturday morning.

When asked whether she was holding up, Tom "Jar" Twitty said, "No ... She has had amazing stamina up until now, but ..."

The women in the family remained sequestered in their hotel rooms while the Twitty brothers stood in the lobby, looking stressed amid a gay scene of tourists pouring onto a brightly colored bus outside advertising "Xtreme Party Cruise."

Holloway vanished during a five-day trip to the Dutch Caribbean island with 124 classmates and seven chaperones celebrating their graduation from Mountain Brook, Ala., High School, near Birmingham. Police found her U.S. passport and packed bags in her hotel room after she failed to show up for her return flight that day.

Holloway's family continues to believe she is alive, Tom Twitty said. Rumors that she is dead are "an aggressive interpretation" of what police are saying, he told The Associated Press.

Prime Minister Nelson Oduber said on national radio Friday night that if something happened to Holloway, it would damage the reputation of this island of 97,000 people, which depends on tourism and is considered one of the safest spots in the Caribbean.

In Holloway's hometown, her friends gathered after midnight at a church where people have been holding prayer vigils for her. Some hugged and cried; one woman left a flickering candle at the base of a wall decorated with messages to Holloway, who had earned a full scholarship to the University of Alabama, where she planned to study medicine.

Antonio Carlo, an attorney for 17-year-old Dutch boy, told the AP: "My client maintains his innocence."

Carlo refused to comment on the alleged admission.

Holloway's mother and stepfather told The Birmingham News in Alabama that they discovered the Dutch boy's connection to their daughter within 24 hours of her disappearance by talking to other students on the trip. They then found surveillance videotapes showing him playing poker with other Mountain Brook teens in their hotel casino two days before she vanished.

A lawyer for one of the Surinamese — Satish Kalpoe, 18, whose brother, Deepak, 21, also is in custody — said they told police they took Holloway to Arashi Beach, on the northern part of the island, in the early hours of May 30.

According to their police statement, they did not get out of the car, defense lawyer David Kock said. Instead, Holloway and the Dutch teen, an honors student at the Aruba International School whom she had met at the casino in her hotel, "were in the back seat kissing."

They also told police that they dropped Holloway at her Holiday Inn at about 2 a.m. and last saw her being approached by a man in a security guard uniform before they drove off, Kock said.

The brothers told police the young woman was drunk and refused to get out of the car, said Noraina Pietersz, who is representing Antonius "Mickey" John, 30, one of the two former security guards. He and Abraham Jones, 28, have been detained since Sunday and have denied any connection to Holloway.

The three young men said Holloway stumbled in the parking lot of the hotel but refused help from her Dutch escort, Kock said.

Holiday Inn employees say security cameras did not record Holloway's return. A Holiday Inn guard who worked the overnight shift that day said he did not see her, said Pietersz, who said she reviewed the guard's statement to police.

Unlike other Dutch Caribbean islands that are part of the Netherlands Antilles, Aruba fought and won the right to be independent a part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands in the 80s. They have an independent local government with Holland responsible for defense and foreign affairs.