I Love My Soldier: What, Who and Why I am.. in Christ!

Jason was activated 01/31/2005
His deployment ended
and he returned home 05/13/2006
(a very long 15 1/2 months)


Monday, June 13, 2005

What, Who and Why I am.. in Christ!

Place Of Worship

Since leaving the church we have attended for the past five years, I knew it was important to get involved within another ministry. Last Sunday (the 5th) the kids and I "skipped church" (as honestly I wasnt sure exactly where we were going to go visit first). However missing one Sunday was one too many and I knew that could lead to a pattern of trouble that I was not about to let myself get in (much less my children)!

So this past Sunday the children and I went to visit a church in the city that we live. Everyone there seemed extremely nice and helpful in directing us where to go. Hayden went to the preschool class for 3 & 4 year olds. Erin and Alex went to Children's church (K5 - 5th Grade) and I attended service in the sanctuary. I admit the music was not as moving as what I was used to at my "former" church (I just didn't feel as moved).... and honestly I didn't feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, however I knew that I may not be allowing myself to be completly open (as I seemed to be too busy comparing this church to my former church). So I raised my hands to the Lord, sang along with the congregation and prayed that He lead me where he wants me and my family to be. As the worship service ended and the pastor began speaking I was moved by what all he had to say. He spoke of our destiny and how we each have a purpose for the Kingdom of God. I knew this to be true and again prayed that God would show me the place to fullfill my purpose.

The children and I decided to go back for the evening service. Again it was the same as the morning service and even though everyone was extremely nice, and they had much to offer me and my children, I just didnt feel that this was where the Lord was leading us.

One particular thing that hendered me is that the "youth" starts at the age of 11. Children's church is K5 - 5th grade (5 - 10 years old). This would mean my oldest daughter who is about to turn 11 would be in the "youth" and would have to sit in the sanctuary during service. I just dont feel that she is mature enough to understand the Word on the level spoken in "Big church" and feel that she would benefit more by hearing the Word on her level (atleast until she is 13 when most churches move the children up to Youth). This was also a concern of Erin.

This next Sunday we will visit another church (I believe we are going to go visit the church that we had attended before our "former church of five years").

I know many of you may question.. am I walking blind and am I in accordance with God's Will by leaving one church, when I dont yet have a place to go. It has been said to me several times this past week that "God will not shut one door until He opens another" and I believe this to be true. I know that door is open (somewhere) and I am just praying to God to direct my path to lead me to that door.

My decision to leave my "former" church was a personal decision that was given much consideration and prayer. I have prayed over certain circumstances and asked the Lord to show me how to handle certain issues that I was dealing with and questioned. He spoke to my heart and told me that He had a purpose for me (He has great and mighty plans for me) and that I didnt have to attend "said" church to fullfill my destiny in Him. See I don't sing "about" Him, I sing "to" Him. I love to sing His praises! As far as my E-Mail ministry I don't just write "about" Him, I write "for" him and He writes "through" me. I know the fruits I bear are "good and praiseworthy" because they are done as an act of service for the Lord. By no means are they "selfish and self-centered" because the ministries I so love and am involved in are to glorify God!!

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven"... Matthew 5:16.

However I don't want anyone to think that just because I left my former church that I have taken my focus off of Him. See.. I am focusing more on Him now than I ever have. I am running to Him faster and harder than ever. No matter what some may think and say, only God knows the desires of my heart. Through every experience, circumstance and trial I have been through I have pulled my Strength through Him and gained a deeper understanding of His Word and His Will in my life.

I know I can take and make God's Word personal in my life. I know I have been given the power and authority in Him to maxamize the potential he has already placed in me. I am ready, willing, and excited about fullfilling my destiny. In order to know my destiny I know I must first know my identity... my identity is who I am in Christ.. therefore my destiny is to live my life for Him and help lead others to know Him as their Savior. What I am, Who I am and Why I am.. are all for Him!

I also want to share this poem with you... This poem is actually geared towards "graduates" however I found the words comforting to me as I feel that I have been through a learning experience and have gained/and am still gaining knowledge.

Helen Steiner Rice wrote: "Father, I have knowledge, so I pray you'll show me now, how to use it wisely, and find a way somehow; to make the world I live in a little better place, and make life with its problems, a bit easier to face ... Grant me faith and courage and put purpose in my days; and show me how to serve you in the most effective ways, so all my education, my knowledge and my skill, may find true fulfillment as I learn to do your will; and, may I ever be aware in everything I do, that knowledge comes from learning, but wisdom comes from You."


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