I Love My Soldier: Being honest about how I feel today!

Jason was activated 01/31/2005
His deployment ended
and he returned home 05/13/2006
(a very long 15 1/2 months)


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Being honest about how I feel today!

Good Vs Evil
Saturday, August 20th is my 34th Birthday. One of my friends was going to take me out for my Birthday that evening and my mom was going to come over and watch the kids for me. I was really looking forward to getting out of the house (remember I work from home and am around my kids all the time, my adult interaction is very limited). However, she called the other day to see if we could reschedule. She explained why and asked me if it was ok. I completely understood and told her that it was fine and we could do it another night. However, I have to admit I am dreading hanging out at my house Saturday night. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love my kids and cherish every moment I get to spend with them, but I was really looking forward to getting out. I would just go out anyway, but funds are limited for me right now. With me giving Erin birthday money and then buying everything for her party this month I just don’t have the money to go out. I could ask Jason for the money, but he already mailed me my birthday money a few weeks early (and I went shopping with it). I talked to Jason today. As most of you know (from reading my blog) he is one of several that is being moved to another establishment this weekend. They were having a cook out tonight (a little going away party) and when I talked to him on the phone he was having such a good time. Honestly, I was so jealous (I never let him know though). I shouldn’t have been … not at all. He has the right to enjoy himself when he can. He is under a lot of stress there and is so far away from everyone he cares about. BUT I admit I was jealous that he was having fun with the guys and I am always home with the responsibility of the kids. I know that is SO UNFAIR of me to feel that way. (Atleast I have the kids and other people I love around me.. he doesnt have that!!). I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself for being home with all this responsibility. I know that may sound petty or silly to some of you, Im sorry if it does. I just feel really down and lonely, and I know that is not good or healthy. Sorry if this post offends anyone or if offends Jason if he reads this, I AM REALLY SORRY, but I am just being honest about how I feel today. Stressed and lonely!


At 6:44 PM, Anonymous Lisa said...

You pick your head up girl. Check your email.

At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know exactelly how you feel! My 22nd birthday is this friday, the 19th, and our 2 year anniversary was just last week. I also feel jelous and a little angry towards my husband when he's having a fun day in Iraq. I'm also feeling blue about spending my b-day without my hubby. I have no kids to take care of, but between my regular full time job, teaching some piano lessons on the side, and doing 100% of the house and yard work, I'm exhausted. I had a particularly bad evening last night. I was exhausted and worked so hard all day long. When I came inside from working in the yard I found that my cat had peed on the kitchen floor it was my breaking point. I was ready to box that cat up and ship him to my husband in Baghdad! I wish I could make time go faster, I want my husband back to! I'm glad I'm "normal" in the feelings that I have and that other wives experience the same things.

At 8:56 PM, Blogger GI Wife said...

Youre thoughts are completely justified. I was feeling the same way when he was off "training" AKA playing video games and watching movies, and I was stuck home with the kids. I keep threatening him that when he comes home Im taking a vacation from the kids, and leaving him stuck home with them! But then I figure I would eventually (lol) miss him, so Ill prob just stay home.
Hang in there!

At 9:09 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

Don't feel bad about anything. It is normal. I am so sorry that your friend had to cancel on you. Nothing worse than getting your hopes all up, and then something happens and your plans have to change. I sure wish there was something that I could do.

I can tell you Happy Birthday lots and lots of times, so I am starting early. HAPPY BIRTHDAY...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...WHO CARES IF IT IS EARLY.

Please cheer up, and let me know if there is anything that I can do. We are all here for you.

At 9:46 PM, Anonymous Lisa said...

You are in my prayers Deanne. If you need anything, let me know.

At 4:29 PM, Anonymous becky said...

Aww hun! It's okay to feel this way. You're only human and of course you need a break. I hope you get some relief soon.

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

I heard once 'never apologize for your feelings, because they are just that feelings.' It is very normal to feel that way. To be jealous when they seem to have a good time. I went through the same thing. Don't be sorry, a person feels how they feel. It can't be helped.


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