I Love My Soldier: Hayden - acting out

Jason was activated 01/31/2005
His deployment ended
and he returned home 05/13/2006
(a very long 15 1/2 months)


Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Hayden - acting out

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Sunday after church I was told that my 3-year-old son Hayden had been hateful to another child. I talked with Hayden about this after church and told him that he had to be nice to his friends and told him that he would not want someone being ugly to him therefore he needed to be nice to other people.

This morning when I went to pick Hayden up from 3K, his teacher informed me (which is a daily event) that they were still having problems with him and asked that I do everything I can to help them. He apparently would not sit in his seat (kept going under the table), laughed at a teacher when she told to do something, and even hit another child. I told the teacher that I am so sorry and that I am having some behavior issues with Hayden at home as well. We talked about this openly in front of Hayden and were both encouraging Hayden to behave. She talked about how they get treats for behaving and reminded Hayden that in order to get a treat he had to follow the class rules. As the teacher and I discussed things, Hayden kept trying to cover my mouth with his hand and also hide his face. I talked to Hayden about how he needed to mind.... blah..blah..blah..blah (same things I have been saying a lot to him lately).

When I got in my car.. I just broke down crying!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe some of Hayden's issues are his age, the fact that he has never been away from me (going to school now), but I honestly believe most of it is a result of daddy not being home (Deployed for 7 months now). Research has found that behaviors such as fighting, defiance, anger, anxiety, sadness, and school difficulties are common among military children with absent fathers. I think it is taking its toll on Hayden.... which is taking its toll on me. I want Hayden to mind. I want him to be good. I don't want to discipline him the whole time, but I want him to mind. I want to help him. I know Hayden is going through a lot right now!

Hayden has been acting out at home as well.. but will immediately tell me "I sorry mommy, I do better". He knows what he has done is wrong.. so WHY is he doing it? I need to get stricter on my discipline, but I dont want to discipline him the whole time.. I want him to know mommy loves him and is here for him.. but I also want him to understand the rules too and that he must respect other people.

I am so frustrated.. I have cried and felt so helpless lately. I want my husband home.. I want my son (and our other children) to be happy. I want my family life to be back to normal!

3:21 pm. Update.. Am I being selfish by even saying what I am saying, for asking for your prayers? No one said I was.. but someone who sent me an email praying for me did say "things could be worse" and mentioned the tragedy on our coast, the families that are homeless, those who have lost loved ones or don't know of their whereabouts. And if I think about it - even when it comes to Jason's deployment.. I am grateful that Jason is in a non-combat zone... but see even though things COULD be worse.. my situation is hard on me and our children (crying). The same lady who said this, also said some very encouraging words to me (she is a very kind, sweet, loving christian woman).. but that one part made me feel guilty for feeling the way I am. I am sorry.. I just use this blog to let it all out.. and that is exactly what I am doing.. I just need to keep my faith, be strong and be a godly influence on my children. Thank you all for your prayers.


At 3:48 PM, Anonymous Lisa said...

oh sweetie, you are not selfish at all. Tragedy is tragedy. Homeless or jobless, or absense of a father, spouse, are all variants of tragedy because of the toll they have on your lives. You stand tall and ask for prayer all you want. God wants you to ask for prayer so he can lift you up.
Ignore the Ignorant, for they don't know you. I Love You, Lisa

At 10:58 PM, Blogger ~*~ Deanne ~*~ said...

Thank you Lisa!!
Just when I think I am so strong and can handle everything.. something seems to go wrong (with the kids, around the house, etc, etc). I know there are so many people who have it worse than me (hurricane victims, families who have soldiers in Iraq - and I feel for all of those.. my heart goes out to each and every one of them). Yet my situation is still hard on me.. Its hard on my kids.. So even though many have it worse than me, many more also have it better than me. It is taking its toll on me and I am doing the best I can (for me, my kids, and Jason). Thank you for your kind words, support, prayers and friendship...it is greatly appreciated!!

Love, Deanne

At 7:43 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

Deanne, You are not being selfish at all. You have so much going in your life right now, just like we all do. It is perfectly ok to feel the way you feel. You vent here on your blog all you want, and we will help you get through it all.

Take care, and hope today is better.

At 11:57 AM, Anonymous becky said...

Honey, you are not being selfish at all. This is your place to vent, cry and yell, as well as share the happy moments. I'm sure that your friend meant well, but your situation is difficult as well. My prayers are with you, and I hope that things start looking up for you.

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Mandy said...

Sometimes people say "it could be worse" in an effort to help someone see all the good in their lives and cheer them up. I understand how it can feel like a criticism though. My husband often tries to get me to see the good when I am overwhelmed with the bad, when really all I need is to vent and be heard. I admire your transperancy and I am praying for you, Jason, and your kids.


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