I Love My Soldier: Anxious about Jason's return... is this NORMAL?













Jason was activated 01/31/2005
His deployment ended
and he returned home 05/13/2006
(a very long 15 1/2 months)



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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Anxious about Jason's return... is this NORMAL?


Jason has been deployed for the past 13 1/2 months. He has been home twice during his deployment (2 weeks each time). In 2 1/2 more months he will be home. How do I feel about this? Of course I am happy, I want my husband home (I want us to be a family again), but a part of me is very worried, very anxious, very unsettled. It is a scary feeling too. 16 months apart is a very long time... and of course I love my husband dearly... but for those of you who may be military and if you have ever spent a year and a half away from your spouse, learned to become independent in many things...you may understand what I'm talking about.
Here is something I found about POST-DEPLOYMENT that I found very interesting.. PLEASE READ.

  • Expect an adjustment period no matter how happy you are to be home and how happy your family is to have you back.

  • Anticipate doubts and worries. Anxiety is a predictable part of reuniting.

  • Expect change. Recognize that you, your spouse and your children have all changed to some degree. Everything from tastes and interests to the way the household is run may have changed. Make small, gradual changes and ease back into your role in the family. This process can take several weeks or months, depending on how long you and your family were apart and each family member's ability to cope with change and stress.

  • Be prepared for the reappearance of old problems. Separation does not erase problems, and problems do not solve themselves. Taking a break from the issue and stepping back may have helped you and your spouse to gain a new perspective, but the issue itself may still exist. There may also be new issues to address.

  • Be realistic in your expectations. Forget your fantasies, and let things happen naturally.

  • Share your feelings, and accept others' feelings, whatever they may be. Feelings are never right or wrong; they just are. Expect that the deployment has been difficult for everyone, and be prepared for all sorts of feelingsrelief, hope, anxiety and even resentment.

  • Be prepared for challenges as you try to reestablish physical intimacy with your spouse. Take your time getting reacquainted, and do not try to rush sexual relations to make up for lost time!

  • Take time to communicate and reconnect with your family and friends. Plan family time to help bring everyone back together. Make time for just you and your spouse. Plan some special time for you and each of your children to get reacquainted.

  • Be aware that you and your family have changed to some degree. Your family has had to keep goingworking, going to school, maintaining the householdin your absence, and it may take some time for you to blend back into the routine. Keep an open mind as you re-create your role in the family. Commend your family for the good things they have done, and do not try to change routines that are working well.

  • Avoid a busy schedule, and make some time for yourself to get back into interests or hobbies that you missedthe positive things that bring you joy and help you relax. If you do not have good hobbies, create some.

  • Recognize that deployment can be very difficult, and do not be afraid to talk to someoneyour spouse, your family, your friends, a chaplainor seek professional help if you are having problems adjusting to being back.

  • After the initial reunion, discuss the division of chores in the household.
    Be patient, and give yourself time to adjust. Recognize that you have been away for quite some time, and do not expect everything to go back to the way it was overnight.

  • Understand that, even if you did not find the deployment stressful or difficult, it can still have an impact on you and your family in ways that you may not realize.


5 Comments:

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Courtney said...

I know exactly what you mean. Mine has only been gone 6 months but will be here next month for his leave. We have a new baby he's only seen at birth & in pics. So I feel like I have this whole new life & this new little person he really knows nothing about. I also have all these new routins with the kids & at first I would ask myself "what would he do" but now I am so much more independant. One good thing this deployment has taught me is Matt is in my life because I want him to be not because I need him to be. I now know I can make it alone of course I don't want to. I miss him like crazy but our love really is alot stronger because of this. Sorry to ramble but I to am worried about all those things.

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger APE said...

You have to just let things fall into place again. I became very independent while my was gone and when he came back for good. I would find myself saying just let me do it. I felt like he wouldn't do it right. On the same hand he wanted to help he wanted to get back to normal if there is a normal. When he would help my oldest with her homework I would hover of his shoulder to make sure he was doing it the way I did. I had to let go and let him do things his way. My youngest was just a little over 1 when he left and when he came back it's like they didn't miss a beat. It's funny how kids have no since of time at that age. All these feelings a normal. You just have to do what's right for you and take things one day at a time. I don't think we did anything for the first week but lay around and enjoy each other and our family. We slowly got back into the normal however it won't be the normal it used to be it will be a new normal. My husband has been home for 5 months and we are now back to so called norm.

APE

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger US Forces Designs said...

All normal feelings. We all continue to grow in our lives and our husbands have done a wonderful thing in the many different places they have been sent to and will continue to do wonderful things. Everything in time and with a lot of hard work will be normal with him again don't feel weird that you had to continue and change your daily routine without him as he has had to do too. Keep counting those days and keep all your faith and everything will be ok.

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger danielleldb33 said...

Hi, my name is Danielle...and i love this page! My boyfriend Is in the National Guard also but he is only in basic training in Ft Benning, GA. I have not had any contact other than letters with him since August 19th! && sometimes i miss him so much i cant handle it. But this page helps me to realize that there are families out there going thru much worse. I respect u and ur family very much for being able to handle this so well and djust quickly. it gives me hope for the possibility of him getting deployed... i know i am just his girlfriend right now, but when he comes in for christmas according to his latters, he plans on asking my dad for my hand...yea i am also only a senior in high school, sometimes i think its harder b/c we r young.. But ive never been happier with anyone and i know that i want to be with him forver! He means the world to me and i just wanted to say that i wish ur husband, you, and ur family the best of luck! If u have any advice at all for me, trust me i always appreciate it!
<3 Danielle

 
At 8:43 AM, Blogger danielleldb33 said...

Hi, my name is Danielle...and i love this page! My boyfriend Is in the National Guard also but he is only in basic training in Ft Benning, GA. I have not had any contact other than letters with him since August 19th! && sometimes i miss him so much i cant handle it. But this page helps me to realize that there are families out there going thru much worse. I respect u and ur family very much for being able to handle this so well and djust quickly. it gives me hope for the possibility of him getting deployed... i know i am just his girlfriend right now, but when he comes in for christmas according to his latters, he plans on asking my dad for my hand...yea i am also only a senior in high school, sometimes i think its harder b/c we r young.. But ive never been happier with anyone and i know that i want to be with him forver! He means the world to me and i just wanted to say that i wish ur husband, you, and ur family the best of luck! If u have any advice at all for me, trust me i always appreciate it!
<3 Danielle

 

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